Und · so · es · geht...

in a brick mansion with never-ending puzzle rooms
I was in the tower (the view was incredible)
with only one exit-
a dark hole with a ladder
I climbed down to the next level, prepared to hop off...
then lost hold and with flailing arms
slipped down, down

terrified
splashed into warm dark water below
deep, eerie behind my back
and demon claws scratched my skin, and tore my dress
as I struggled to pull myself up onto the slippery rungs (resolving to do more strength-training in the future)

when my unconsciousness was done playing in my spiritual limbo...
--------------------
it was a spring day, sun shining brightly
I was naked and dancing (improvizational) in a room
enjoying the way the light played on my body
my lover sat and softly watched, then asked for my hand
my heart grew vines
i refused underclothes, but put on some blue shorts and a white tank top
and we went onto the patio to set up for a wedding

we tested the drinks at the bar
he kissed my hand, and then licked salt off of it, followed it up with tequila
my drink was bland and acidic,
the portly chef chopped vegetables
talked about being a student and making dinners for his wife
I stared into his large almond-shaped eyes
....

and woke up late for work.


Truly ages have passed in the time span I have not written or read Livejournal. Ages in the lives of my friends and my own. I feel like almost a completely different person than even a few months ago...so I must imagine the same must have happened to those I haven't had contact with in awhile.

I've finally started school out in NYC; it sounds far more glamourous than it is. Last weekend included plane delays/cancellations and general frustration, but also the most exhilarating time...I felt completely in my element. Surrounded by those who have missions similar to mine- and my thoughts about the school being too new-agey were quickly dispelled by the quality of the speakers - Walter Willett, the Chair of Nutrition at Harvard gave a talk about trans fats, and Dr. Weil is speaking at our graduation...and one of the certificates we'll get comes from Columbia University. This is The best decision I've made in years- I'm so excited to be spending time getting to know all of these people who vibrate on the same wavelength, and to learn how to apply all I know to others' health. One of the best things about the school is that it helps to prepare you for making this your job- they put into practice what I've learned in theory at OSU. This has sent my happiness quotient screaming towards Mars :). Outside of the school, I made a few new friends, OSU alumni who've managed to leave the 'black hole' state. The other good news is that I might be able to claim some of the 10k+ I've spent out of pocket at this school- that is, if I start a business, pronto.

Cynosure.

A menance to society, internal revolutionist, counter-culture. I've aligned myself with the one
presidents and leaders claim he works for, a popular public enemy. This is a rebel I could really love. No renovation projects here, except on me. He knows me deeper than I know myself and pushes me to realize my potential. The desire to tear away this cocoon surrounding me and show the light and beauty within. You were always in love, I'm sorry I was a rejection queen. In you, I
find true perfection.

Note to self: When dwelling on what could go wrong- stop, then exaggerate the problem until its so absurb that you laugh. Besides, so many times when I enter the realm of the unknown, I start to fear...before realizing I have the best parachute ever. And I do.

The night before buying tickets to fulfill an 8 year dream of traveling back home to Germany:

I haven't been listening to my heart. I don't think I have for a very
long time. Today, and everyday I can remember in years past, I was
telling my heart how I wanted it to feel about what I was doing, who I was
seeing...no wonder my heart's been treacherous. It has been right.


If you want to try something fun, try writing your future self an email.

Alas, my love, the time has come to say goodbye. A kiss on the cheek, and a hope for a next time.

Whoa- just received a call- my little brother is getting married to his German girlfriend this August. Wow. Crazy. I know how lucky he is, I hope he always remembers.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.

Have fun with this :)

uses color and light to bring about health and balance. Even the ancient Egyptians built solariums with different colored glass for therapeutic benefits. One form of chromotherapy is “color breathing”—visualize a specific color and breathe it in and out to achieve the desired result for 5-10 minutes. Medical intuitive: let your body pick the color and guide the breath to that area.

Red-increase energy and power, improve love life
Orange- get attention- improve procrastination
Yellow-encourage optimism and joy, let go of material possessions
Green- treat depression, eating disorders, respiratory problems, infertility
Turquoise- improve immunity, gain more power
Blue- relax, treat blood pressure, gain confidence
Purple- boost self-worth, gain wisdom
Magenta- let go of negative feelings

Most idiotic idea I've heard in a long time. Yes, let's create a bunch of flying syringes...

Mosquitoes genetically engineered to vaccinate people

Two British scientists aim to use genetically engineered mosquitoes as 'syringes' to try to vaccinate people against malaria and other diseases.
Professor Bob Sinden, Imperial College, University of London, and Professor Julian Crampton, School of Tropical Medicine, Liverpool University, said they have taken an important step in the process, but still have a long way to go. "The key thing that we're doing is using the mosquito as the syringe," Sinden said.

Brilliant!

I quite seriously believe there are some very excellent things for me in the coming weeks. This alone makes me excited (and anxious?) with anticipation.

related...

Birthday. Spain(?). Chemistry. Alte Freunden, neue Freunden. Church in my soul. Letters in the mail. The beach. Yellow Springs. Growing. Japanese. Dancing. Latino festival. Visitor at work. Peace. New daydreams. Blowing bubbles and drives on the highway. Gardens. New journeys and discoveries. I love to smile.

Schöne Geheimnisse :).

"An honorable relationship-that is, one in which two
people have the right to use the word "love"-is a
process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both
persons involved, a process of refining the truths
they can tell each other. It is important to do this
because it breaks down human self-delusion and
isolation. It is important to do this because in so
doing we do justice to our own complexity. It is
important to do this because we can count on so few
people to go that hard way with us". - Adrienne Rich

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - 1994 Inaugural speech delivered by Nelson Mandela, written by Marianne Williamson

Smile!

SNB worked out really well last night. I made some decadent brownies, hot chocolate, and tea...it was wonderful to spend time with my friends...and even Waqas showed up to make pom-poms. I know this is going to take off, I can feel it in my bones.

I need to sign up for hip-hop dancing next quarter- my roommate was raving about the class; it looks like an excellent form of exercise too :)

Next update: Food politics and the USDA pyramid --what you need to know.

I am so sublimely happy.

A simple decision last night, undoubtedly the best I've made in awhile. Follow your dreams and the universe will conspire to help you along. Grateful for the knowledge that has been imparted/(finally realized?), I know, this time, there is no going back. In the meantime I pray for courage to trust my decisions for the future, for the willingness to take the time to Know people, and patience and strength to help me when I encounter obstacles on my way.

I remember something a friend told me a long time ago: Always believe you are a Glückskind and you will be. Luck.

Follow the omens; they are meant to help you.

Background: I work in an office - suffice it to say it is not my dream job.

Today started early with a public reaming. Then he took it to the office.

"Adrienne, I just want you to know that I think you are very capable.."
Uh-oh. Here we go.
"..Bright.."
Damn, what is he going to lay on me now?
"and friendly"
Now he went a little too far. I’m definitely not friendly with him.

Then the real nitty-gritty. He was telling me that I need to adjust how I operate to how my boss needs things to run. As micro-managers, both Bing and Lynnette are not satisfied with my results-oriented behavior and need for me to communicate with them every baby-step I take to complete my projects. Previously I was told that so much unneeded information was "lack of respect for your supervisor’s time", but they changed their minds. Whatever. So they have been getting emails from me all day. "I told Ruth that her requisition was in the system and we should have a purchase order in about three days".."That Contract Interiors PO has not been processed yet; I’m waiting to hear from Accounts Payable as to why"...It bores the fuck out of me.

But I do like paychecks, even if mine is the smallest in the office. These people have so much money it nauseates me.

It really wouldn’t be a surprise if they jet out of here at 5pm, don on their (hopefully coverage-heavy) swimsuits, and dive into their pool of dollar bills…a la Scrooge McDuck (sorry, random cartoon memory).

Fuck 'em. I have better things going on. In fact, I just paid my tuition for the nutrition school I'm going to next year in NYC. I’m going to become a holistic health counselor while working my way to Reg. Dietician status and actually do Something with my life that doesn't cause me psychological pain (okay, a wee bit dramatic, but not much), and that is tremendously aligned with my values and goals in life. In fact, we’ve already started our classes and I plan to start taking patients (at a discounted student rate) by December. After that, well, I have big plans...and reasons to believe that everything is going to work out :--).

"Who lives longer? the man who takes heroin for two years and dies, or a man who lives on roast beef, water and potatoes 'till 95? One passes his 24 months in eternity. All the years of the beefeater are lived only in time"
Aldous Huxley

Onto chapter 4...

New York ahoy.

I've discovered the joys of cooking 20-minute healthy meals. Think of fresh organic greens and tomato on a bed of mixed vegetable stirfry and whole-wheat couscous, a drizzle of olive oil and apple cider vinegar on the whole thing. I should submit this meal as a test to get my R.D.

Found some old emails I sent to someone I was truly falling for back in April 2003. Still (in) Love.

Jeff helped me move the last of my shit two weeks ago. We compared the value of owning a repulican gas-guzzling, enviro-hating SUV and a "democrat's rice burner." Anyone who hasn't seen my place yet, should. Tea and cookies. I've always loved playing hostess, so you'll get a real fifties housewife-style treatment. Minus ...

Kein Mitleid für die Mehrheit. My favorite: "Der verrat an der seele macht leben ungesund"

My heart is still reeling.

There is a quote from the genomics chapter of my book: "...and consider that once done, an individual's genetic map would be available for the rest of their life. Perhaps someday we may even carry a wallet card encoded with our genetic information."

Yes. Perhaps. I will not herald that day.

Instead, a soma holiday

Off I go.

<3 Kisses! <3

I tried two different pictures on this website, if I don't smile, I get a lot more matches with attractive celebrities...even if one of them IS Elijah Wood.

Gwyneth?

And now, to find an outfit for a scandalous "wear anything but clothes" party. It promises to be entertaining ;-)

ich und elaine,
sie ist mein party capitain,
überall hin nimmt sie mich mit,
und für sie ist dieses lied.

elaine und ich,
sie weiß alles über mich,
ich alles über sie,
sherriff and deputy

ich und elaine,
mit ihr ist alles angenehm,
sie hat mein herz und ich hab ihr's (elaine)
we are musketeers

sie ist mein arzt,
macht mich glücklich und gesund,
ich bin für sie da (elaine)
bin ihre katze und ihr hund

ich und elaine
we share the blood in our veins
adventure team
zusammen sind wir medizin

ich und elaine
von außen kann man es nicht sehen
wir sind aus einem Ei
i'm the blue and she's the sky

elaine und ich
liegen kreischend untem tisch
was man mit ihr erlebt
das erleben andere nicht

elaine und ich,
ohne die andere geht es nicht,
das institut,
erklärt wir tun uns beide gut.

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I wanted to live deep and suck all the marrow of life...."

-- Henry David Thoreau

*sigh*